Ups and Downs

Man, life is crazy. If I had kids right now, I would definitely be in a straight jacket headed towards the looney bin. Yet, I really want to start trying for kids, but it probably is not the right time. I want to start, but if my mom dies in the next year I am afraid of two things: 1. she dies while I am giving birth. 2.the emotions of this next year could stress me out a lot and cause me to miscarry. Sorry, if you are new to this blog, my mom has cancer and has been given 9 months to live.

Mom just finished her first round of chemo pills. She did great! Her next round will be in 3 weeks or so. We go down every other week and visit and that has been cool. We bring the grand-doggies and they liven up the trip.

Work is going well for the both of us, but life is just really busy. I get really excited when I have a moment in the day to spend just chillin. I have made it a priority every morning to do my devotions and I praise God for that! He has really helped me keep that one in check. I can't get through this life without Him. I can't get through the stinken day without Him. I am desperate for Him.

Plus, I have loved moments in my car, when some good Christian music is playing and I am just worshipping God in my car, man that is good stuff! I love Bebo Norman, Addison Road, Hawk Nelson, Mercy Me, Brandon Heath, Superchick, Francesca Bertacelli(I think that is how you spell it????). It's great!

Youth Group is going well. We just love our teens! I wish we had our own room or area in the church instead of the downstairs. Why can't we have the sanctuary?? Aargh, that really gets on my nerves, but don't worry, I just ultimately want youth there on Wednesday nights. That is what is most important.

I have good days and awkward days. All my days are good, I just have moments where life comes crashing in on me. The thought that my mom might not be around in a few months just punches me in the stomach sometimes. I will see grandma's with their grandchildren at the mall or just about and it just takes my breath away, because I think, 'I won't get to see my mom hold her grandchildren and that just gets me all choked up'. As dad would say, this 'double sucks'. Then I have days where I just remember that even if it's God's time to take her home, then it is temporary, I will see her again. But, it just really is so weird. Sometimes I think I am dreaming. It is all soooooooo weird, yet God is with me and I am thankful. I am especially thankful that I can be totally honest with Him about everything and He is there for me and listens, even in the really hard times. I am also in 'fight' mode with my mom's cancer. We have entered chemo mode and I have hit that 'fight/hope' mode that we can win this. Yet, I am finding myself having to find balance, because I have to be prepared for the fact that we might not win this battle and she could still die. That is really tough too. Yet again, the Lord is ever with me, reminding me that I will be okay, they will be okay, etc. He will get us through, no matter how much the tempest rages around us. He will be our Peace.

How is everybody??? How can I be praying for everybody??

Love you all lots,
Susan